Polar Bears Understand 'the Service'



March 6, 2007


By Pole R. Bear [email protected]


Sixty Below & Comfy, Nunavit, Canada - I understand the deadline for comment submission to the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service's proposal to list us as "threatened" is April 9, 2007. It is hoped that my comments, sent by a caring courier, will serve as inspiration for others to decipher the "proposal" that is ostensibly for us polar bears by sending their comments, too! 


'The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service will ... present information and take public comments on the 12-month petition finding and proposed rule to list the polar bear as "threatened" throughout its range under the Endangered Species Act.... The Service is particularly interested in comments concerning information on polar bear distribution, habitat selection, food habits, population density and trends, habitat trends, and effects of management on polar bears, the effects of sea ice change on the distribution and abundance of polar bears and their principal prey, the effects of other potential factors (such as oil and gas development, contaminants, ecotourism, hunting, and poaching), any populations of the species that may qualify as distinct population segments, and data and studies referred to within the proposal.'


The above comment guidelines infer that only certain "experts" be qualified to comment intelligently. No doubt, many of these "experts" are paid by The Nature Conservancy and others of its ilk. In truth, one need not be an expert on our "habitat or us" to be cognizant of the "proposal" and its consequences. With that in mind, I'll simply comment from a polar bear's perspective, being confident that my comments will be far more accurate and honest than "the Service's proposal."


We polar bears are far less interested in the "Service" than the "Service," DOI and public-private partners would have you believe they are in us. We are even less impressed by the "interest" in information on our "distribution, habitat selection, food habits, population density and trends, habitat trends ... effects of management ... sea ice change on ... distribution and abundance," etc., etc., etc., ad nauseam. We do not care about tourism of any kind, "Eco" or otherwise. We are, in fact, offended by the inference that such things might negatively impact us. We are utterly disgusted by your use of Language Deception in order to make people think we are such wimps that "other potential factors" might bother us. What we really want and need is for USFWS, the DOI, etc., to leave us alone, thank you very much. We live in an area that is no more friendly to paper pushers and their incessant meddling where they and their "pie in the sky" (or more likely: "Chicken Little, sky is falling") figures would give them a failing grade in any math teacher's class. Of course we have "distinct populations," and if anyone plans to crowd us by artificially increasing our numbers and proximity to each other, just watch the 'fireworks' begin! Polar bears do not take kindly to "population density" or outsiders whose only wish is for something to bear enough resemblance to the Trojan horse that taxpayers will open the gates and let it in, there to wreak havoc. Even we polar bears are not such cannibalistic predators! Trust us! We understand better than most people about property rights. We understand the many and varied nuances of the "Endangered Species Act" and how the ESA has been used for decades to stop almost all but the most powerful people's ability to own and utilize private property. We understand this plan and that foreign oil is more profitable for certain political and private interests than Alaskan oil. We would tell you what we think of USFWS's "proposal," but would not do so in polite company. We want USFWS, also known as "the Service," to stay out of our business and our back yard. Though we may not know how to read the printed word, you can bet we know how to read "the signs of the times." We polar bears might well roar ferociously and tell USFWS to mind its own business and stop seeking to use us as its latest real estate agent in an agenda that does not care one whit about "protecting" anything but paychecks and perks.


Let's stop the small talk. We are not "threatened" by anything except bureaucratic schemes and dreams of money and power. The interest in us -- and all other "species" the "Endangered Species Act" purports to be about "saving" -- would evaporate faster than an ice cube in the Mojave Desert in July, if the obscene amount of grant and other funding were to dry up.


It's time to stop the scam. It is not about us. It never was. It never will be. It's also not about 'jumping mice,' 'snowy plovers,' 'black-footed ferrets,' or any other supposedly 'threatened' or 'endangered' species. You good folks reading this article can take my word for it!


Forget any intent of "listing" us. We don't want to be USFWS's real estate agent and are thoroughly disgusted by its plans to use and abuse our good name in such a shameful way.


Honesty is, and always has been, the best policy. We polar bears are telling you so!


~~~~~ 856 words.


Courier: Julie Kay Smithson

213 Thorn Locust Lane

London, Ohio

[email protected]