| Poo-Tectors of Wildlife
October 1, 2006
By Julie Kay Smithson propertyrights@earthlink.net 367 words.
Somewhere in Wildlands Country - A September 29, 2006, article in the Washington Post, "Wildlife Waste Is Major Water Polluter, Studies Say, http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/28/AR2006092801994.html," points out studies stating significant, serious threats from the defecation of wildlife. To that "end," the question is bound to "come out:" "What kind of goods and services will be needed to stop all the wildlife from defecating and polluting the world's lands and waters? It is certain that entremanures will want to scoop up this opportunity, since time is, as they say, a'wastein.' Imagine the market for such diaper delights ... The next question that begs answer is, "Who will volunteer to doo-doo -- or be assigned -- the dirty job?"
That's an easy one: An estimated "countless" idealistic
contributors and members of Defenders of Wildlife, the World
Wildlife Fund, The Nature Conservancy, Sierra Club, and other
"visionaries" will be rushing out to empty the shelves! Few
should enjoy this more than "deep ecologists," who can be in
it up to their elbows! Perhaps college students and other youngsters
being "environmentally educated" could be persuaded to join
the party, although their parents would first be required to sign hold
harmless waivers before turning little Johnnie loose in the
woods.
If that fails, the dirty job should be assigned to United Nations
policy crafters, all Wildlands Project implementing politicians and
bureaucrats, etc.
Gosh, that might have an "UN"-expected effect: the
population of Hollywood, Aspen, Manhattan, Washington, D.C., Jackson
Hole, Wyoming, Martha's Vineyard, and other enclaves of "greenspeak"
might take a nosedive.
The enterprise selling the diapers (imagine trying to "pin
one on" a bald eagle!) should have a catchy title:
EndRUN! might be appropriate!
Bison-Bummers for Ted Turner's future "Montana
Grill-Burgers."
CatScatters: for cougars, lynx, etc.
Wildlife PooCatchers: for "Winnie the Pooh-bears!"
Wolf Sport Catchers: guaranteed to hold all the livestock and animal
hair the critters consume without leakage.
The entire line could be called ... ahem ... End Products!
For wildlife in Amish Country: Thee End Products!
A diaper has already been invented for Australian wildlife:
Underoos!
Wildlife diapers must to be changed with good, old-fashioned
diaper pins. No Velcro -- no excitement in being able to change 'em
quickly!
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