Washington State

Washington State's Capitol Terrorized by Masked Domestic Terrorists: Raccoons - “It’s a new breed. They're urban raccoons, and they're not afraid.”

(Note: This is not satire; it's fact. The very folks that think rural dwellers should "learn to live with" large predators that -- with a lot of help from the "re" introducers at U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service and state "wildlife" agencies -- are eating and sportkilling their way through the smorgasbord that may have begun with elk and deer, but has "progressed" to farm and ranch livestock, herding/hunting dogs and people's pets. This is, after all, about property rights, whether it is in town or country. It is a matter of time until a child becomes lunch for a Canadian gray wolf, no matter what the "media" and "government sources" say. Joel says it so well, keeping the reader smiling while delivering palatable truth.)

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September 14, 2006

By Joel Kretz plr@cuonlinenow.com

Okanogan County rancher and state representative

Thurston County, Washington - After all the cougar attacks endured by rural folks, I admit I had a hard time getting worked up when the governor's little dog, Franz, was threatened by killer Olympia possums.

In fact, I have to admit to poking a little fun at the governor's “predator” problems, but I may owe her and Franz an apology.

A wave of serious raccoon attacks have Olympia gripped in fear.

One headline announced “Psycho Killer Raccoons Terrorize Olympia,” while the Olympian ran lurid accounts of raccoons attacking dogs and humans and actually killing ten cats.

It’s clear Olympia has succumbed to hysteria, quoting:

“It’s a new breed. They're urban raccoons, and they're not afraid.”

“There’s one really big bad dude.”

“He was the biggest raccoon I've ever seen. He was a monster.”

“It was vicious. They were focused on ripping her apart.”

“It was scary.” “I'm afraid of them.”

There’s lots more, but I think you get the drift -- it’s wholesale panic in Olympia.

The wildlife control officer even gets into the act, stating that he’s seen packs this big, but none so into killing, adding, “They are in command up there.” He said one big male boar is the main killer, has tasted blood and wants more. This raccoon ringleader is usually helped by one or two others. Yes, he really did say that.

Olympians are starting to fight back, arming themselves with shovels, bats, iron pipes, pepper spray, firecrackers and Rottweilers.

An “emotional” neighborhood meeting attended by 40 raccoon victims developed into a sort of support group called Raccoon Watch, described by one victim as “... a place for people to mourn and cry.”

I know you're thinking I made all this up. Folks, I couldn't make up stuff like this, and besides, it’s all right there in the Olympian. It really gets funny when you start to think about Olympia, with its well-earned reputation as the most liberal town in the state.

These are the same people who voted overwhelmingly to ban hound hunting and trapping as options for controlling predators -- and now they're going to “mourn and cry” over raccoons?

What would they do if they encountered a real predator?

I wonder if Raccoon Watch could cut a deal with the governor to borrow her personal State Patrol Possum Swat Team (try saying that fast three times).

I've been asked “what do you do in Olympia for entertainment?” I swear -- I just read the paper!